


I Miss You

by Ouchie_Ouchie



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst Oneshot, DNF, Death, Established Relationship, Kinda?, Little bit of comfort, M/M, Mental Instability, Mention Sapnap, No Smut, Oneshot, Quick Read, Sad, Sad GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Song - Freeform, Songfic, Vent fic disguised as dnf, Why does lolicon come up when you write lol, dreamnotfound, letter format, no beta we die like men, not a lot of romance, uhh how do tags work?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29327562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ouchie_Ouchie/pseuds/Ouchie_Ouchie
Summary: George writes a letter to Dream
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! This was pretty much the first angst I’ve ever written so I hope it’s good! This is a song fic very loosely based on ‘When You’re Gone’ by Avril Lavigne :)) it’s kinda short but I did it for practice so uhhhhh ummmm yep 😎👍 
> 
> Mwah

Dear Dream, 

I miss you. Plain and simple. I miss you. What else is there to say? 

It's hard to write this. It would be for anyone. It just isn't fair. I was always so independent, but the second you leave I can't live without you. 

Has it really only been 2 weeks? It feels like years have passed. How am I supposed to spend my whole life without you? It's kinda funny isn't it? We were so happy. Were. I hope your happy. No matter how much pain you've put me through. 

If I'm being honest I'm only writing this because I read somewhere writing thoughts will cleanse the mind. I don't think it's working. I still miss you. Though it might not work as quickly as I'm hoping. I wonder how things would be if the roles were reversed. You'd be standing here in our home alone. 

-

I already want to give up.

It's so hard to stay afloat during this hurricane. Self inflicted hurricane. No one else understands. 

I know that isn't the truth. Hundreds to thousands of people go through this every year. I know I'm not alone. I know it. But it doesn't make it feel less lonely. I know I'm short, but that doesn't make me grow. I know I'm colorblind, but that doesn't make me see colors. I know I'm unhappy, but that doesn't make it easier to smile.

Easier would be everything. Easier would be being able to look at your photos on the wall. Easier would be not crying my life away. Easier would be them understanding. Me understanding. Understanding what I'm supposed to do. Now that I describe it. Easier would be me and you.

I miss you.

-

How could you? How could you do this to me? 

Y'know I don't actually think your the one to blame. I know it's childish, unfair even, to blame you. I blame myself a lot. If I had done things differently would you be holding my hand right now? Nick says it's better to not think those things.

It's never gotten easier. I can't even sleep in our room anymore. It's the only thing I have preserved. Frozen in time. The bed is still made from when you were last there. 2 weeks ago and 3 days now. The couch is growing uncomfortable, but I can't ruin the reminder of what once was. I really do miss you.

-

Nick came over.

Most days I ask him to go home. I know it's stupid, for some reason I can't look at him. Not without thinking about you. I don't know why. I knew I needed to get over it, so I invited him other. He didn't talk about you. I'm glad. We actually didn't talk much at all. The silence was too loud. 

I know I can't tell him. I can't tell him how I've felt. He'd think I was crazy. You would never think that. You'd hold me all night. Turn on my favorite movie. Cradle me all night. I'd fall asleep in your arms. Then I'd wake up to the smell of you making breakfast. Sometimes I think it's all a nightmare. That all of this is a lie. I'll wake up. Maybe you'll be cooking. Maybe you'll be checking your phone. Maybe you'll be in deep sleep. I'd still be in your arms.

Sometimes I feel your warmth as I sleep. I miss it. I miss it so much.

-

3 weeks.

It's hard to think about that day. You left me like it was any normal day. You kissed my forehead. You told me you loved me. You grabbed your keys. You left. I know that memory like the back of my hand at this point. I can count the steps it took for you to get out the door. 8. How can a trivial number like that never leave someone's mind?

It's not fair. We were happy. I was happy. Do I even have to say I miss you at this point?

-

My mum called me today.

She asked me to go to her house. I don't want to hear a word she has to say. She didn't ever like you. She didn't like us. Now she's trying to talk to me about it. Out of everyone she'd be the last person I could talk to.

That reminds me. I wanted to tell you something that day. The day you left. I wanted to tell you the roads were slippery. Ironic.

I miss you, baby.

-

I hate you.

Sometimes I wish those words were true. It would make it so much easier. I know I could never hate you. It's been 3 weeks and 5 days. Isn't that long enough? I just want my life back. I can't eat. I can't sleep. Nick has been making sure I have enough money not to get evicted. 

I think I know why I can't look at Nick. Why he reminds me of you. He was our friend.

We really shared everything, didn't we?

Why am I even writing this? I can never give this to you. Not even if I tried to. God I wish I could. I really really miss you.

-

I don't blame that man.

The only person I blame is myself.

-

What are we going to tell them?

They don't know about what we were. They want to know why we haven't had any social media posts in over an month. How do we explain something like this? Sometimes I check my phone in useless hope you tweeted something. 

I wish they would go away. They don't help. Their supportive comments read bitter-sweet in my eyes. They want us back. The dynamic three! The Dream team! They miss us. I miss you.

-

I have one regret. Well, after you left. I have one regret after you left. 

Maybe if I had just did it. I wouldn't be missing you as much. I just couldn't bother getting off the couch. The wound was too fresh. 

Love you.

-

It's hard to just move on.

Not when the person you knew. You loved. Just goes missing from your life. In the TV shows the main character comes out stronger. They end up falling in love with a new, but that's just not an option I have. Can you see how much pain I'm in? Even if you could it wouldn't change anything. 

1 month and 4 days. It never gets better. It's like whether or not I fight the waves I end up underwater anyways. You would understand me. You always understood me. I wish I could've understood you a bit more. Just a bit more before you left. There was so much left to uncover about your eyes. I miss those eyes. I miss you.

-

I've been avoiding writing one thing. It seems if I write it, it will be true. I know it's true, but I want to pretend a bit longer.

It's not healthy, is it?

-

Nick is an asshole.

He's trying to make me go to therapy. He wants me to forget you. He's acting like everything is fine, but it's not. 2 months. 2 months was all it took for him to label me as unwell. Does he know what sadness is? Does he have any emotions? He doesn't understand. I should've known better. You are the only one I can trust. You could always get me through any day. You could make anything okay.

Miss you.

-

Nick is calling me.

He's been calling me everyday. I don't think I'm mad at him anymore. It just too hard to pick up my phone. My limbs feel like bricks. I haven't even eaten in three days. 

-

In only 2 months 3 weeks I've feel like I've changed completely.

I've never felt like this before. I mean, I've never went through this before. And neither has Nick. He's never seen me like this. No one has. Not even you. I realize Nick only meant the best with the therapy idea, but I'm still in the fence.

You would tell me to follow my heart. What can I do when my heart will always lead back to you? Longs for you. Needs you. I know it will never get what it wants. I will never get what I want. 

I used your shampoo today. Nick said he was proud of me. I'm proud of me too. It's the first thing I've done even remotely related to you. It makes me miss you. I do miss you. I miss you a lot.

-

I can't do this.

I thought I was doing better. I really did. It was so overwhelming. Every little thing I did would remind me of you. I just couldn't anymore. I broke down and called Nick. It reminds me of when you did the same. Oh. Reminds me. Reminds me. Reminds me. Of course I can't think of anything without thinking of you.

I can't brush my teeth with our mint toothpaste. I can't eat our favorite type of sandwich. I can't listen to any of our music. I can't play Minecraft. I can't talk to our, no my friends. Because of you. It's your fault I'm like this. They were my things,hobbies, and tastes too, and you stripped them away from me.

I wish I could see you right now. I'd tell you how much I hated you. Then you'd hold my hands. You'd calm me down. You'd listen. You'd be there.

I'm sorry. I don't mean what I say, but you have to understand. It's just so hard. I've lost count of the days. Nick says I should just let the time pass. I agree with him. He's really been there for me. I miss you.

-

You'd be so proud of me.

Baby I did it. I slept in our bed. I picked up all your clothes on the ground. It hurts that they smell like you, but it's also comforting. I think I'm picking up the pieces. Of my heart? Of my life? Both poetic in their own ways.

Nick and I have been talking. We think it's time we let them know. It's only fair. They deserved to know so much earlier . I hope they will be okay. I hope they don't go what I went through. What I'm going through. He decided it'd be better to keep out a few details. I think that'd be for the better anyways. They will miss you.

-

I think we were made for each other.

That's the part that always hurt. That still does hurt. 

Do you believe in an afterlife? I want to. I really do. Maybe I don't have enough faith? You always gave me faith. I need to look for better place for it. I'm starting therapy on Monday. It's not be leaving you behind. More like starting anew chapter if my life. 

The fans... they are healing too. They've said so many things. Supportive things. I can read them. I can smile. Nick makes me smile. 

He misses you too.

-

My therapist actually said this letter was a good idea. Something about venting my feelings. Seeing her made me remember I haven't seen much of anybody. Well, except Nick of course. He told me he's taking me out to dinner tonight for a "celebration".

I don't deserve a celebration. I'm just doing what I should've done much, much sooner. Come to think of it, you would've dragged me to this therapist the second I stopped eating. Key word 'would've'. 

The more I re-read over this letter, the more I want to deleted this off of my notes app. I said such hurtful things, and I wished I could say I didn't mean them. I wish I could, but during those moments they were the gospel truth. And the fact I believed those things eats me up on the inside. The fact those emotions were directed at you for even a second hurts.

Anyways Nick is gonna come over soon, so I guess I have to go. I miss when we would all hang out as a group. I think Nick misses it too.

-  
My therapist told me my denial isn't healthy. I think it's time that I admit to myself that, that day wasn't just a day you left to go somewhere new. That was the day you died.

Fuck, I really didn't think that'd hurt so much. I'm not even close to being done either.

Second thing, the start wasn't just a normal day. No, if it was I wouldn't hold this guilt. 

We fought. We screamed all night long just one day prior. It was about my parents. I had let you see them a total of 3 times before your passing. You didn't understand. For once you didn't understand. God, it was such a trivial thing wasn't it?

That night we slept with our backs facing each other. I had cried all night long. I did it because I was trying to crack you. I did it because I was selfish. I knew my tears would make you crumble and I used them against you. Though, you never did crack. For once you didn't crack. You didn't run to comfort me. You listened to my sobs all night long. Maybe we were both in the wrong.

That following morning, you never kissed my forehead. Never said goodbye. The only words spoken were 'Going for a drive be back in an hour.' Why didn't I tell you not to go? I knew how fucked the roads were and I let you go. 

Exactly 37 minutes later I got that text. 'I love you, goodbye.' I was so confused. I thought you were running away. I wish you were just running away.

Paramedics say that was probably the last thing you did. Text me. I was your last thought. I was, no am, so heartbroken. It wasn't fair. It still isn't fair.

That man that hit you. He was driving a truck. It was foggy the roads were slick, and the universe was feeling vengeful. Like I said before, I don't blame him. I heard he went to your funeral. I wouldn't know, didn't go. 

Shit, a few paragraphs? Only a few paragraphs? I could write books worth of all my feelings about that day. August 3rd 2020. You weren't even 21. 

I though this would hurt more. It's kinda refreshing though. Just getting the words out there. It's like the weight of the world just got lifted off my shoulders. It actually made me feel better, even if I did write it through tears. The one thing I was avoiding writing helped. 

I think I'm gonna go for a walk.

I love you.

-

I did it.

I visited your grave. I think it really cemented that you were gone, but I felt comforted by that in a strange way. Our three year anniversary was going to be soon. I thought this would tear me apart. I thought I'd be... I thought I would've given up by now. 

I hope your proud of me. Nick is proud of me. My therapist, she's is proud of me. I'm finally doing it. I'm freeing myself from the cage I trapped myself in. 

It's so refreshing. Just being able to see myself in the mirror again. I started gaining some weight back. My eye bags have been turning considerably lighter. I've been talking more. I can smile now. I can cry. I can cry and know it doesn't make me weak. I can do it. 

Dream, I love you. 

Yours truly, George.


End file.
